Male Vs. Man? Dondre Whitfield talks male mentoring & how to mentor men | #ABalancedLife

Dondre Whitfield asserts a fundamental difference: 'males look to be served while men look to be of service.' He clarifies that having a penis and pectorals makes one a male, but becoming a man requires understanding and dedication to being of service. This transition is not tied to a magical age but to receiving information, instruction, and being held accountable.

Dondre Whitfield's book 'Male Versus Man' highlights this distinction. He states, 'Simply because he has a penis and pecs doesn't make him a man. That makes him a male. But what makes him a man is his understanding that he should be dedicated to being of service.'

A woman, however dynamic as a mother, cannot teach her son how to be a man because she is not one. Sons need to be 'fathered' by a male figure, whether biological or not, to learn the specific nuances of manhood. This principle applies conversely to fathers raising daughters.

Dondre Whitfield explains, 'A woman can't teach you how to be something that she's not... the best that she can do is be a dynamic mother. She can't be a father. You don't have to be fathered by your biological, but you do have to be fathered.' He adds that he cannot teach his daughter how to be a woman, that is his wife's job.

The formation of manhood should begin at the earliest possible age, mirroring the early introduction of sports or other activities. This involves consistently reading, conversing, and acting as a 'drill instructor' for what manhood entails, holding young boys accountable for embodying these principles.

Dondre Whitfield challenges the idea of waiting to teach manhood, asking, 'What age did you begin putting a ball in your son's hand? ... So, for once he started walking, once he started communicating... you put a ball in his hand. Well, why is it that you would put a ball in his hand hoping that maybe you might turn him into the next Kobe Bryant... but you won't invest the same energy and effort into making him the greatest version of himself that is a man?' He describes himself as a 'drill instructor' for his 13-year-old son.

Effective male mentoring, especially for Black men, must first address deep-seated issues like trauma, exposure to violence, and a lack of belonging. Men are often guarded and not taught to express feelings, making relational intentionality crucial. Mentors must build trust and empathy before focusing on professional development.

Corey Brisco states, 'We've got to have honest conversations about trauma and exposure to violence... how can I deal with professional... development, where I want to go when I still am dealing with mental trauma.' Pastor JT Johnson emphasizes 'being relationally intentional' because 'men are guarded... we are not taught to feel.'

A significant challenge is the severe underrepresentation of Black men in teaching roles. This means young Black men often first encounter authoritative figures (like police in schools) rather than instructional ones, making it harder to receive guidance and instruction.

Pastor JT Johnson cites a Stanford Graduate School of Education article: 'Only 2% of teachers are black men in America... our young men are having an interaction with an authoritative person first before they have one with an instructional person.'