Black Femicide, Accountability, and the Violence Men Are Taught
YouTube · nKpcUakS6Qo
Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖Black femicide is a systemic crisis, not a series of isolated incidents, with black women facing disproportionately high rates of lethal violence from intimate partners.
- ❖The societal conditioning of men to equate control with love, silence with strength, and violence with power contributes directly to the harm seen in black femicide.
- ❖Existing institutions, including law enforcement and the legal system, often fail to protect black women from domestic violence, making community-based solutions critical.
- ❖Men must engage in regular, consensual accountability conversations with trusted peers to challenge toxic behaviors and live aligned with their values.
- ❖Redefining masculinity to prioritize empathy, emotional expression, and respect for others is a fundamental step in breaking the cycle of violence.
Insights
1Black Femicide as a Public Health Crisis
Black women in the United States face lethal violence from intimate partners at alarming rates, being up to three times more likely to be killed by a domestic partner or family member than white women, and up to six times more likely to be killed overall. This violence is not random, but a pattern of behavior often escalating over years, with victims frequently having restraining orders or attempting to leave abusive relationships. The lack of a formal 'femicide' category in US policy hinders proper tracking and prioritization of this crisis, making it largely invisible.
Hosts state, 'Black women in the United States are up to three times more likely to be killed by domestic partner or a family member than white women.' and 'Nearly nine out of 10 black women killed by men are murdered by someone that they knew, often an intimate partner.' The hosts also mention the lack of a 'former category in US policy around femicide doesn't enable for us to actually track and categorize these deaths accordingly.'
2Toxic Masculinity and Entitlement Fuel Violence
The hosts and guest argue that mental health crises in men are often intertwined with societal teachings that link a man's value to controlling others, especially women and children. This entitlement and patriarchal mindset allow men to 'punch down' and take out frustrations on more vulnerable individuals, rather than processing emotions constructively. This contrasts with black women, who, despite facing similar or greater hardships, are not afforded the 'luxury' of externalizing their anger through violence.
Brea Baker states, 'we need to be honest about the level of entitlement and patriarchy that says when my when I'm struggling, I get to take it out on people more vulnerable than me.' Richie Reseda adds that mental health crises 'are connected to the way that we're taught our value has to do with controlling others, specifically women and children.'
3Community Accountability Over Institutional Failure
State institutions like law enforcement and the legal system frequently fail to protect black women from intimate partner violence. Many police officers themselves have high rates of domestic abuse, creating a conflict of interest. The solution, according to the guest, lies not in policy changes from a 'domination-based model' government, but in building robust community-based accountability structures, such as 'accountability pods,' where men actively support each other in living out their values and interrupting harmful behaviors.
Jamira Burley notes, 'many of those men are have high rates of abusing their intimate partners.' Richie Reseda states, 'I don't know if there's any public policy that will solve this for us. All the government can do is make bigger bigger threats of violence. Like the government is also on a domination-based model.' He advocates for 'building accountable relationships, building... accountability pods is the relational infrastructure that we need.'
Bottom Line
The strategic and vicious targeting of nonprofit organizations, their funders, and their ability to engage in DEI and anti-racist work by political administrations weakens movement spaces and the ability to assert a vision of the future outside of electoral cycles.
This erosion of nonprofit power makes it harder for communities to defend civil rights and build alternative infrastructures for social change, leaving them vulnerable when traditional political avenues are compromised.
Advocates need to be cautious about the consolidation of power within the nonprofit industrial complex and explore diverse funding and organizing models to build resilience against political attacks, ensuring sustained resistance and community building between elections.
Key Concepts
Accountability Pods
Small groups of trusted peers (e.g., three homies) who meet regularly to discuss personal integrity, hold each other accountable to their values, and practice boundaries. This relational infrastructure aims to prevent harm by fostering open, shame-free dialogue and mutual support, acting as an early intervention system.
Re-tribalizing
A concept of reinvesting accountability and safety into community relationships, moving away from reliance on violent, domination-based state institutions. It emphasizes building familiarity, care, and mutual responsibility within a community to ensure collective safety and well-being, similar to indigenous societal structures.
Lessons
- Black men should actively engage in conversations about protecting and uplifting black women, moving beyond discussions of mental health to address underlying entitlement and patriarchal attitudes.
- Establish or join 'accountability pods' with trusted male peers for regular, consensual conversations about personal integrity, values, and challenging harmful behaviors, especially those rooted in domination.
- Set clear boundaries with friends and acquaintances who exhibit abusive or disrespectful behavior towards women, demonstrating that such actions are unacceptable and will not be validated.
- Parent intentionally to unsocialize boys from toxic masculinity, teaching them healthy emotional expression and respect for others, rather than perpetuating cycles of control and violence.
- Invest in and support community-based interventions and relational infrastructure that foster accountability and care, rather than solely relying on state policies or institutions that often fail victims of intimate partner violence.
Building Male Accountability Pods
Identify 2-3 trusted male peers with similar values who are committed to personal growth and accountability.
Establish a regular meeting schedule (e.g., monthly) and a group chat for ongoing communication and check-ins, ensuring all participants consent to being held accountable.
During meetings, openly discuss how each person is living in alignment with their values, share challenges, and provide constructive feedback without shame, focusing on support rather than punishment.
Practice setting boundaries with each other and with external individuals whose behavior contradicts shared values, demonstrating that participation in harmful actions will not be tolerated.
Empower each other to intervene in situations where friends or community members are exhibiting harmful behaviors, acting as a collective mirror and support system to encourage positive change.
Notable Moments
The hosts reference the Nikki Giovanni and James Baldwin interview and the movie 'Fences' to illustrate the generational dynamic where black women bear the brunt of black men's frustrations and anger, often from men who face external hardships but 'punch down' at home.
This highlights a deeply ingrained cultural pattern where men externalize their struggles onto women, underscoring the need for men to address their internal responses to external pressures rather than perpetuating cycles of violence within the home.
Quotes
"We need to be honest about the level of entitlement and patriarchy that says when my when I'm struggling, I get to take it out on people more vulnerable than me."
"The home should be the one place that I feel safe. If I have to come home and fear that this also that this place is a hostile environment that perpetuates outside the home, it's it's not good."
"If men are socialized to equate control with love, or silence with strength, and violence with power, we then that means that we are conditioning them to actually do the harm that we're trying to prevent."
"My understanding of the truth is of course when you're seeing somebody kill their whole family and then themselves, we're talking about an issue of extreme mental health crisis and there is a reason why the mental health crisis this mental health crisis is erupting in the killing of women and children. I think it has everything to do with that entitlement that you were talking about."
"The more rooms we build where the truth can live without shame the the faster we can interrupt these things."
"When we have a world where we tell our homies, I'm not going to play video games with you if you're abusive to your... That's a world where this stuff stops happening."
Q&A
Recent Questions
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