Mientras mamá trabajaba todo el día, yo me drogaba y robaba | Edwin #Penitencia 193 #México

Edwin's mother worked long hours, leaving him with strict, religious grandparents. This lack of direct parental attention, combined with the rigid rules, created a desire for the 'freedom' he observed in his older brother, leading him to seek belonging and excitement in street life, drugs (starting with active at 10), and petty theft.

Edwin describes his mother's routine: 'se iba a las 4 de la mañana, regresaba a las 8, 9 de la noche'. He contrasts his grandparents' 'prohibición' with his brother's 'libertad', which made him want to 'entrar al círculo social' of 'malas personas'.

At age 11, Edwin was sexually abused by an older woman, which he initially perceived as a 'logro' due to societal machismo and his limited understanding of sexuality. This experience, coupled with his repressed attraction to men, created internal conflict and later led to violence and discrimination when his sexual orientation became known, particularly in prison.

He lost his virginity at 11 to a woman 'como 35, 40 años', initially feeling 'chingón' and 'excitante'. He later describes repressing his attraction to men, crying and asking '¿Por qué no puedo ser cabrón como los demás?' and facing 'mucha discriminación' and violence for his orientation.

Paradoxically, prison offered Edwin a form of stability and a space to develop skills and earn respect. He learned to cook and cut hair, and participated in mediation programs that fostered self-reflection and a desire for change. This environment, despite its harshness, provided a structure and sense of utility he often lacked outside.

After his first incarceration, he 'sentía que iba a ser cargado' but realized he could 'saber trabajar y saber moverme' by cooking, cleaning, and eventually running a food business. He credits 'mediación' with changing his 'forma de pensar y mi manera de ver las cosas', and learning barbering as a valuable skill.

Despite positive changes and skills acquired in prison, Edwin relapsed into crystal meth addiction after his release. The loneliness of living alone, the absence of his family (especially his mother's incarceration), and the difficulty of navigating the outside world without a strong support system proved overwhelming, leading him back to crime and re-incarceration.

He states, 'la soledad y me empecé a drogar otra vez'. His mother's arrest ('mi mamá en reclusión') was a significant blow, causing him to go 'para abajo, para abajo, para abajo'. He admits to 'buscar el modo' to return to prison, thinking 'si estuviera ya, no estuviera pasando lo que Claro, no estuviera así como estoy ahora sintiéndome mal y solo'.

Currently serving his second major sentence, Edwin expresses no regret about returning to prison. He views it as an opportunity to 'recordar algo' and 'saber que sí puedo hacer las cosas bien', indicating a shift in perspective where he is actively choosing to use this time for positive change, despite the inherent challenges of the prison environment.

When asked if he regrets seeking prison again, he says 'No, no estoy bien, gracias a Dios. En este momento me siento bien. Siento que necesitaba recordar algo.' He states, 'necesitaba volver a a saber que sí puedo hacer las cosas bien'.