David Sedaris On What To Do About Your Trump-Supporting Family Members
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Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖David Sedaris's father, a Trump supporter, ultimately regretted his vote, attributing his political shift to constant exposure to conservative media and a desire to save money.
- ❖Sedaris believes the only rule of comedy is to be as tasteless as possible, rejecting the idea of 'punching down' as a constraint.
- ❖He observes that people on the left often hesitate to express negative experiences (e.g., being bitten by a dog by fentanyl users) for fear of being perceived as 'Republican' or lacking empathy.
- ❖Sedaris dislikes the word 'queer' for its lack of specificity and feeling like an imposed rebranding, preferring 'gay'.
- ❖His advice for a long, successful relationship is to 'never talk about your relationship' with your partner, and to maintain a strict boundary around bodily functions.
- ❖Sedaris finds the prospect of decrepitude more terrifying than death and humorously proposes 'Canyon Day' as a loophole for assisted suicide.
Insights
1The Evolution of Political Conviction and Regret
Sedaris recounts his father's journey from a fiscally conservative Republican to a fervent Trump supporter, driven by exposure to conservative radio and Fox News. In his final years, his father expressed regret for voting for Trump, revealing that his political alignment was ultimately rooted in a desire to save 'two dollars,' even at the expense of his own son's well-being.
His father's regret over voting for Trump and his willingness to vote for candidates who would 'bring back concentration camps' if it meant saving 'two dollars.'
2The Peril of Performative Empathy and Linguistic Policing
Sedaris highlights a perceived hypersensitivity on the left, where individuals are afraid to voice legitimate grievances (e.g., being bitten by a dog owned by fentanyl users) for fear of being labeled unempathetic or 'Republican.' He contrasts this with an earlier lesson from a comedy writing teacher who advocated for being 'as tasteless as possible,' rather than adhering to rules about 'punching down.' He also critiques the evolving language of identity (e.g., 'queer,' 'sex worker') as unspecific and performative.
The anecdote about being bitten by a dog owned by fentanyl users in Portland, where audience members focused on the owners' difficult lives rather than his injury, and his experience with CBS flagging 'immigrant' as punching down. His dislike for 'queer' and 'sex worker' due to lack of specificity and perceived artificiality.
3Unconventional Wisdom for Long-Term Relationships
After 36 years with his partner, Hugh, Sedaris offers two provocative pieces of relationship advice: never discuss the relationship with your partner, and maintain strict boundaries around bodily functions. He argues that scrutiny can damage a relationship and that some mystery is beneficial, even to the point of concealing serious health issues or accidental bodily functions.
His statement, 'Never talk about your relationship to that other person. Ever.' and his insistence that he and Hugh have never acknowledged bowel movements or farts, and he would conceal a diagnosis like colon cancer.
4The Terrors of Decrepitude and a Dark Humor Solution
Sedaris finds the prospect of physical and mental decline in old age, or 'decrepitude,' far more frightening than death itself. He describes the fear of losing the ability to write and being confined to a single room. In a darkly humorous turn, he reveals a plan with his partner to commit suicide by jumping off their apartment terrace, specifically suggesting they would wear 'double body bags' to avoid making a mess, and proposes 'Canyon Day' as a societal loophole for assisted suicide.
His comparison of a raised toilet seat to a coffin, his fear of ending up like his father in assisted living, and the detailed plan for a 'double body bag' suicide and 'Canyon Day' at the Grand Canyon.
Bottom Line
The left's intense focus on hyper-correct language and performative empathy can inadvertently alienate people and push them towards more extreme, less nuanced political positions, as individuals fear being mislabeled or judged for expressing practical concerns.
This suggests that progressive movements might benefit from prioritizing broader appeal and practical problem-solving over strict adherence to evolving linguistic norms, especially when those norms are perceived as artificial or overly prescriptive.
Develop communication strategies for progressive causes that are less focused on internal linguistic purity tests and more on broadly relatable human experiences and concerns, acknowledging common frustrations without compromising core values.
Extreme long-term relationships can thrive not through constant communication and vulnerability, but through a deliberate avoidance of certain intimate discussions and a mutual agreement to maintain a degree of personal mystery and decorum.
This challenges conventional relationship advice that emphasizes open communication and shared intimacy as paramount, suggesting alternative models for enduring partnerships, particularly for those who value personal space and a certain level of unspoken understanding.
Explore and document diverse models of successful long-term relationships, moving beyond the 'talk about everything' paradigm to include relationships built on mutual respect for privacy, unspoken agreements, and shared humor that avoids direct confrontation of sensitive topics.
Lessons
- When engaging in political discussions, particularly with family, consider the underlying motivations (e.g., financial, media influence) rather than solely focusing on the stated ideology.
- Reflect on whether your communication style, particularly regarding social issues, inadvertently creates a fear of honest expression in others, potentially pushing them away.
- For those in long-term relationships, consider if a 'less is more' approach to discussing the relationship itself, or even certain personal topics, could foster greater harmony and longevity.
Notable Moments
Sedaris's father, after years of consuming conservative media, regretted his Trump vote at 95, revealing his primary motivation was saving 'two dollars,' even at his son's expense.
This moment highlights the deep, often surprising, and sometimes selfish motivations behind political choices, and how media consumption can profoundly shape an individual's worldview over time.
When Sedaris was bitten by a dog owned by fentanyl users, audience reactions focused on the owners' difficult lives rather than his injury, leading him to observe a fear among liberals of being perceived as 'Republican' for expressing personal hardship.
This illustrates a perceived tension within progressive discourse, where empathy for marginalized groups can sometimes overshadow the ability to acknowledge and address immediate personal harms, potentially alienating those who experience such harms.
Sedaris describes his plan with his partner, Hugh, to commit suicide by jumping off their apartment terrace in 'double body bags' to avoid making a mess, and proposes 'Canyon Day' as a public, loophole-driven assisted suicide event.
This darkly humorous and provocative discussion reveals Sedaris's profound fear of decrepitude over death, and his unique, cynical approach to confronting the inevitable challenges of aging and mortality.
Quotes
"My father would have voted for that person because he was it would save $2. I mean $2 was that important to him."
"No, the only rule of comedy writing is that you should be as tasteless as possible."
"But since when did allowing dogs to bite people become a Democrat point of principle? I just don't understand that."
"I don't want to be associated with the style of writing that uses words like queer and sex worker... I am I rebelling against that artificiality?"
"Never talk about your relationship to that other person. Ever."
"I think it's easier to to conceive of our death than it is of our decrepitude."
Q&A
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