Fat Guy Mistakes w/ Big Jay Oakerson | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖A steakhouse dress code required Big Jay Oakerson to wear a loaner blazer over his t-shirt, despite his 'nice' black t-shirt and dark jeans.
- ❖Oakerson uses his bidet not just for cleaning, but for 'blooming' to aid digestion, especially while on weight-loss medication.
- ❖His definition of 'feeling rich' includes having a TV in every room, particularly an outdoor TV visible from his hot tub.
- ❖Oakerson was recently evicted from a hotel for smoking weed, enduring a humiliating walk across a snowy highway with his bags.
- ❖He returned to the hotel for a forgotten hat, only to be recognized by staff who mouthed, 'Oh my god, he's back.'
- ❖Oakerson's daily online routine includes Worldstar Hip Hop, 'The Nip Slip' (for celebrity wardrobe malfunctions), and then sports news.
- ❖He uses Bing to find specific pornography compilations from various sites, turning off 'safe search' for optimal results.
- ❖He justifies past drug interests (heroin for songwriting, cocaine for weight loss) as attempts at self-improvement or creativity.
- ❖Smoking cigarettes at concerts and stadiums is acceptable for him, but not in airplane bathrooms or plays.
Insights
1The Arbitrary Nature of 'Classy' Dress Codes
Big Jay Oakerson recounts being forced to wear a loaner blazer at a high-end steakhouse because his black t-shirt and dark jeans, which he considered 'fine,' did not meet the 'gentlemen required to wear a collar' policy. This highlights how 'classy' establishments often enforce subjective and sometimes humiliating dress codes.
Oakerson describes the hostess telling him, 'Sir, all gentlemen are required to wear a collar,' and offering a blazer, which he had to try on in front of other guests, including 'cool black guys' who witnessed the embarrassment.
2The 'Feeling Rich' Phenomenon: Everyday Luxuries
The hosts and guest discuss small, often overlooked amenities that make them 'feel rich.' These include soft-closing kitchen drawers, heated towel racks, individual salt and pepper shakers, bidets in all bathrooms, and having a TV in every room, especially an outdoor one visible from a hot tub.
Examples given include soft-closing drawers (), heated towel racks (), individual salt and pepper shakers (), and Oakerson's bidet and outdoor TV setup ().
3The Bidet's Unexpected Digestive Benefits
Big Jay Oakerson explains his advanced use of a bidet, not just for hygiene, but as a tool to aid digestion, particularly while on weight-loss medication like Zeppbound. He describes a technique of 'blooming' or 'flowering out' to allow the bidet's water to 'get the [shit] going' and 'loosen it up.'
Oakerson states, 'when those things like and you sometimes you feel like you have to go you're not going enough sometimes it blocks you up... but the bidet I will often now use... what I've learned with my [ass] control is to um bloom for it... It's almost like like sucking a little water up there. Some it'll get the [shit] going get the loosen it up.'
4Humiliating Hotel Eviction for Smoking Weed
Oakerson recounts a recent incident where he was kicked out of a Hyatt House in Milwaukee for smoking weed in his room. Despite his pleasant demeanor, the hotel manager was 'furious.' The humiliation was compounded when he had to walk across a snowy highway with his bags to another hotel, and then returned to the first hotel for a forgotten hat, only to be recognized by staff who mouthed, 'Oh my god, he's back.'
Oakerson details being 'removed from a hotel for [fucking] smoking weed' (), the manager's 'criminal' treatment (), and the 'humiliating and silly feeling' of walking with bags in the snow (). He then describes the 'Oh my god, he's back' moment ().
5The Comedian's Digital 'Morning Routine' (and Porn Browsing)
Big Jay Oakerson describes his multi-platform digital routine while in the bathroom, which includes watching sports podcasts on YouTube, then browsing Worldstar Hip Hop and 'The Nip Slip' for celebrity wardrobe malfunctions, and finally using Bing and Lobster Tube to find specific pornography compilations, emphasizing the need to turn off 'safe search.'
Oakerson states, 'I go Worldstar hip hop, the nip slip, Eagles news, Sixers news... Basically, I throw out feelers now to go, am I going to jerk off?' (). He then details using Bing and Lobster Tube for porn, typing in specific search terms, and turning off safe search ().
Notable Moments
Discussion about YouTube's changing creator awards, specifically the 100,000 subscriber plaque becoming smaller, flimsier, and requiring payment for additional copies.
Reveals a shift in YouTube's recognition program, potentially devaluing creator milestones and adding unexpected costs for successful channels.
Anecdote about a destination bachelor party where guests were constantly asked to pay for activities and meals, including a $250 per person prefixed dinner at Carbone.
Illustrates the awkwardness and financial strain of poorly organized group events, especially when the host is wealthy but expects guests to cover costs.
Recounting a Corey Feldman documentary scene where guests at his wedding reception were asked to pay $35-$50 for their meal.
Highlights an extreme example of social faux pas and financial imposition at a significant personal event, emphasizing the 'garbage' nature of such a request.
Oakerson's experience of a hotel sprinkler system activating in a nearby room, causing brown, shitty water to flood the hallway and eventually his own room, creating an 'island' bed.
A vivid and chaotic story illustrating the unpredictable and unpleasant consequences of hotel rule-breaking, even if not directly caused by the individual.
Quotes
"I'm pure principal. I could use one of those. Throw that around my family's face."
"I'm like, no, the Wu Tank Clan though, they're really great. Like, it's all crap. You can't show me one little baby song where I'm like, 'That's actually great.' It doesn't exist."
"I couldn't understand why my clothes didn't fit the way Michael J. Fox clothes... LL Cool J's clothes didn't fit."
"You're watching like music reaction videos. Yeah. Oh, black people reacting to music. Oh, it is great. When black people watch Tool and they go, 'Oh, that drop fake.'"
"I'm a big I have bigger gentleman my whole life. So, now I don't know what size jacket they're because they bring it to me. I don't go. He wants to look goes 42 long."
"I've never seen Game of Thrones, but I've seen every [titty] on it."
"You don't walk on the lot unless you're looking to buy. Come on."
"I don't want anybody to [jizz] in my hot tub. In fact, hot tub's off limits now."
"I need you to purge all of your fluids before you get in my hot tub."
"I told the artist I go I want to do that picture of Biggie Smalls with the crown on his head, but make it me but with his actual eyes and lips."
Q&A
Recent Questions
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