Fui pistolero de un cártel y perdí todo lo que amaba | Miguel Ángel #Penitencia 176 #México
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Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖Miguel Ángel has served 15 years of a 30-year sentence for kidnapping and faces penal abandonment, with no family visits.
- ❖His father was imprisoned for 34 years, and Miguel Ángel witnessed prison violence, including stabbings, as a child.
- ❖He grew up with nine stepfathers, one of whom he stabbed at age 20 for attempting to abuse his younger sisters.
- ❖At 15, he moved to the US, excelled academically, and studied in France, but began selling drugs and was deported.
- ❖Upon returning to Mexico, he was recruited by a cartel, initially selling drugs, then becoming a pistolero and later involved in kidnappings.
- ❖He describes the 'sensation of power' from wielding an R15 assault rifle as intoxicating, surpassing the desire for money or travel.
- ❖Miguel Ángel recounts a kidnapping where the victim's wife refused to pay ransom, leading to the victim's death, highlighting the brutal realities of his work.
- ❖He attempted to leave the cartel but was blackmailed with threats against his family, forcing him to continue.
- ❖His mother was aware of his cartel activities but remained indifferent, telling him he was old enough to face the consequences.
- ❖In prison, he reflects on the emptiness of his former life, the loss of his sister, and the profound regret over his choices and the abandonment by loved ones.
Insights
1The Allure and Devastation of Cartel Power
Miguel Ángel details how the 'sensation of power' derived from carrying an assault rifle and having control over others' lives was more intoxicating than money or travel. This allure, however, ultimately devoured him, leading to the loss of family, freedom, and self-respect.
Miguel Ángel states, 'la primera vez que detonó un R15, la emoción, la sensación de poder, eh, tantas cosas, o sea, esa sensación no la comparo con el hecho de tener mucho dinero, con el hecho de viajar por el mundo. Esta sensación de poder por encima de los demás es simplemente te devora y me gustó eso.' He later contrasts this with his current reality, 'hoy tengo dos dos mudas de ropa, tres comidas al día y si puedo y si tengo artículos de higiene y si no tengo este ando como vago.'
2Early Exposure to Prison Violence Normalizes Brutality
As a child, Miguel Ángel visited his incarcerated father and witnessed extreme violence, including a stabbing and 'chineadas' (robbing unconscious inmates). This early exposure, rather than instilling fear, cultivated a 'morbid' curiosity and desensitization to brutality, which later facilitated his entry into a life of crime.
He recounts seeing a man stabbed during a prison visit at age 14, stating, 'no entendía muchas cosas que pasaban ahí... siempre este existe un cierto morvo, ¿eh? Cuando nunca ves ese tipo de lugares, cuando ves ese tipo de situaciones... quieres que no te causa morv ver cómo mata una persona al lado de ti y estás niño, quieres ver cosas y experimentas.'
3The Cartel's Coercive Control and False Sense of Community
Miguel Ángel describes how the cartel initially offered a sense of respect and even 'idolization' from the community through acts like 'disappearing' a local violator or distributing aid. However, this was a manipulative tactic, and attempts to leave were met with blackmail and threats against his family, illustrating the inescapable grip of organized crime.
He mentions, 'la gente sabía que hacíamos lo que hacíamos, pero la gente, por ejemplo, de ahí de la carnicería de la colonia que me decía, este, mira, anda un violador ahí afuera de la telesecundaria, échame la mano... lo desaparecimos, nos agradeció el señor.' He also states, 'cuando me quise salir me chantajearon con mis hermanas que estaban chicas, con mi mamá que ya sabía dónde vivía, entonces ya no pude salirme.'
4The Profound Regret of Neglecting Family for Illicit Gains
Despite his mother's indifference to his criminal activities, Miguel Ángel deeply regrets prioritizing his cartel life over spending time with her and his sisters, whom he essentially raised. The abandonment he now experiences in prison is a direct consequence of his past choices, leading to immense emotional pain.
He recalls his mother saying, '¿A dónde vas? Vamos a comer. Yo te preparo de comer.' and his dismissive response. Now, in prison, his mother tells him, '¿te acuerdas, hijo, cuando me decías que que no tenías tiempo para mí? No te la regreso ni es venganza, pero créeme que ahora sí estoy bien ocupada, no tengo tiempo para ti.' He states, 'la cárcel te lo quita todo... pero te da cosas más importantes como el hecho de aprender a valorar lo que... hasta hoy lo entiendo.'
Key Concepts
The Illusion of Power
Miguel Ángel's narrative illustrates how the perceived power gained through violence and illicit means is ultimately fleeting and destructive. This 'power' leads to isolation, loss, and profound regret, rather than true fulfillment or control.
Generational Cycle of Incarceration/Dysfunction
His story demonstrates how a dysfunctional family environment, including a father's long-term incarceration and exposure to violence at a young age, can contribute to a cycle of criminal behavior across generations.
Lessons
- Prioritize genuine human connections and family relationships over fleeting material gains or perceived power, as these are the only things that endure.
- Seek professional help for trauma and psychological impacts of violence or dysfunctional environments early on, rather than letting unaddressed issues escalate.
- Recognize the deceptive nature of 'easy money' or 'power' offered by illicit organizations; these come with severe, long-term consequences that outweigh any temporary benefits.
- Understand that personal choices, even when influenced by circumstances, ultimately determine one's path and future, and taking responsibility is crucial for change.
Notable Moments
Miguel Ángel recounts stabbing a stepfather who had 'morbose' intentions towards his younger sisters, an act his mother did not believe.
This incident highlights the extreme violence present in his childhood home and his role as a protector, but also the lack of support and belief from his mother, contributing to his sense of isolation and potentially shaping his later violent tendencies.
He describes playing with a Ouija board and engaging in rituals from the 'Necronomicon' to gain 'knowledge' and 'gifts' from demons, including money and power.
This reveals a desperate search for control and understanding in a chaotic life, leading him to dark spiritual practices that he believes gave him temporary power but ultimately exacted a heavy toll.
He details a kidnapping where the victim's wife refused to pay the ransom, leading to the victim's death, and his internal conflict while simultaneously caring for the elderly in an asylum.
This stark juxtaposition illustrates the profound moral dissonance and psychological toll of his criminal life, highlighting the 'irony' of his actions and the dehumanizing nature of the cartel's demands.
He describes being kidnapped and severely beaten by a rival cartel, left naked and unconscious in a canal, only to return home to find his house robbed and his mother and sisters beaten.
This event was a turning point, making him want to leave the cartel due to the direct threat to his family, but he was unable to escape due to blackmail, demonstrating the cartel's inescapable grip.
Quotes
"Hay historias que no empiezan con un delito, sino con una ausencia, con una familia que nunca estuvo completa, con decisiones que se toman demasiado rápido cuando nadie te explica realmente cuáles eran las consecuencias."
"La familia se cansa. Eso suele pasar, ¿verdad? La familia se cansa, deja de venir."
"La sensación de poder por encima de los demás es simplemente te devora y me gustó eso."
"Por un lado, medicas, cuidas, le das de comer a un anciano que no se puede atender por sí solo y por otro lado te vas a secuestrar a un anciano, pero que es empresario y que tiene unos millones que tu patrón quiere."
"La vara que mide serás medido. Y la verdad me puedo dar asco yo mismo y sí lo reconozco que he sido una muy mala persona con muy malas decisiones."
"La cárcel te lo quita todo. Sí, pero te da cosas más importantes como el hecho de aprender a valorar lo que... Pues sí, pero eso ya es porque no hay de otra. Exacto. Eso mismo lo puedes aprender en una circunstancia distinta."
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