PATREON EXCLUSIVE | The Hope Advocate (feat. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant) | The Joe Budden Podcast
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Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖A therapist's license is primarily for billing insurance, which often requires a diagnosis that many clients prefer to avoid, leading to private practice for higher earnings and more leverage.
- ❖Trauma and abandonment issues are universal connectors, transcending race or gender, and are central to understanding relationship dynamics.
- ❖Wise counsel is crucial, as leaders' disobedience can lead their followers astray, highlighting the importance of carefully choosing who to follow.
- ❖People who express disdain for Dr. Bryant's views are often those unready to heal, struggling with accountability, and harboring unresolved parental issues.
- ❖The 'side chick' often holds significant power in a relationship, sometimes unknowingly satisfying a man's dysfunctional pain pockets or desire for deviance.
- ❖Cheating is frequently driven by greed or the thrill of sneaking around, rather than genuine unhappiness in the primary relationship.
- ❖A woman's 'alpha submissive' nature means being assertive in professional settings but deeply submissive to a chosen partner, finding empowerment in that submission.
- ❖Dr. Bryant prioritizes a man's ability to provide a 'quality of life' and be resourceful, rather than a specific dollar amount, as wealth extends beyond finances.
- ❖The concept of a 'hoe phase' is subjective; for some, it's about sexual exploration, while for others, it's a journey of self-discovery and sexual comfort within committed relationships.
- ❖Therapy should be a lifestyle and a preventative measure, not just an intervention during crises, fostering self-awareness and management of one's 'crazy'.
Insights
1The True Nature of Cheating and the 'Side Chick's' Power
Dr. Bryant asserts that cheating is often a narcissistic trait, driven by greed or the thrill of deviance, rather than a lack in the primary relationship. She explains that the 'side chick' frequently holds significant, often unrecognized, power. A man's mood at home can directly reflect the state of his relationship with his side chick, and some wives even tolerate infidelity because the side chick makes the household more peaceful by absorbing the husband's emotional needs. Many men cheat not because they want the side chick, but because they enjoy the act of sneaking and deviance itself.
When a womanizer has a side piece... the wife can tell when they break up... he comes home in a disposition that is uneasy... he comes home in a better mood. ...some of y'all cheating not because you even want to [sleep with] the side [chick]. It's really because you like to sneak.
2The Nuance of Financial Provision in Relationships
Dr. Bryant argues against focusing solely on a man's dollar amount, instead prioritizing his ability to provide a 'quality of life' and be resourceful. She highlights that wealth isn't just liquid cash; it includes relationships and access. A man making less money but having strong connections or being resourceful (e.g., getting NFL field access through a friend) can offer a richer life experience than a high-earner with no liquidity or connections. The key is a man's comfort and confidence in his ability to contribute, as self-emasculation due to perceived financial shortcomings can damage the relationship.
For me, it's more can you provide a certain quality of life for us? not for me but for us... if somebody has less money but a shitload of relationships me and my husband might be traveling the world all the time just because of the folks that he knows...
3Personal Boundaries: Not Marrying Men with Children
Dr. Bryant maintains a strict personal boundary of not marrying men who already have children. She explains that while she is open to dating and companionship with such men, her intention for marriage is to build a family from scratch with her husband. This boundary is rooted in her desire for a specific family dynamic and her commitment to giving her husband 'all of her babies' without blending existing families.
I will date but not marry a man with kids.
4The 'Divine Intervention' in a Moment of Weakness
Dr. Bryant transparently shares an experience where she almost compromised her boundary of not having casual sex with a man she was dating but wouldn't marry (due to him having children). Despite her self-management, she found herself in a vulnerable situation. The man, knowing her intentions for marriage and her stance on casual sex, stopped their intimacy and suggested they pray. She views this as a 'divine intervention' that saved her from making a decision against her true desires, reinforcing her belief that environments can influence us more than we influence them.
In that moment, I know y'all laughing at this whole let me pray thing for him. For me and my experience, that was a straight divine intervention of God being like, nah. Because if I I'm not going to say if you knew who it was, you'd be like, that's wild.
Bottom Line
Many men cheat not because they are unhappy with their primary partner, but because the act of being deviant and sneaking around is what truly excites them.
This challenges the common narrative that infidelity is solely a symptom of relationship problems, suggesting a deeper psychological motivation related to ego and thrill-seeking.
Couples' therapy could explore underlying psychological drivers of deviance rather than just surface-level relationship issues. Individuals could develop self-awareness around their 'thrill-seeking' tendencies and find healthier outlets.
The concept of 'white privilege' can be applied to communication styles, where individuals from privileged backgrounds can make provocative statements and then retract or reframe them without facing the same scrutiny or consequences as others.
This highlights how power dynamics, even in conversational contexts, can influence how messages are received and how accountability is assigned.
Encourage critical listening and analysis of communication patterns, especially when power imbalances exist, to identify subtle forms of manipulation or deflection. Speakers could be more mindful of how their background might impact the reception of their words.
Key Concepts
Alpha Submissive
Dr. Bryant describes herself as a 'hybrid' of alpha and submissive. This means exhibiting strong, dominant, and independent traits in professional or public spheres (alpha energy) while being capable and desirous of deep submission and nesting within a chosen romantic partnership (submissive energy). It emphasizes a conscious choice to balance these energies based on context and partner.
People Don't Change, We Manage Ourselves
This model posits that fundamental character traits or predispositions (like addiction or past traumas) do not disappear but rather require continuous management. Individuals learn to control their appetites and responses to triggers, preventing relapse into old behaviors. True growth is about developing self-management skills to navigate inherent tendencies, rather than achieving a complete transformation of one's core nature.
Interdependent Relationships
Dr. Bryant advocates for relationships where individuals are solid and happy within themselves, bringing that completeness to a partnership rather than seeking a partner to fill a void. This contrasts with codependency and emphasizes mutual addition to each other's lives, fostering shared growth and support without relying on the other for personal happiness.
Lessons
- Prioritize self-mastery and self-management over expecting a complete 'change' of character; focus on managing triggers and appetites.
- Seek wise counsel from trusted mentors or therapists, not just friends or social media, to gain objective perspectives and tools for growth.
- Define your non-negotiables and boundaries in relationships early on, communicating them transparently to avoid leading others on or compromising your values.
Notable Moments
Dr. Bryant describes herself as a 'hybrid: an alpha submissive,' explaining she embodies masculine energy in a feminine way and loves masculine energy due to being a 'daddy's girl' and product of a 'street dude.'
This self-description immediately sets a unique tone for her perspective on gender roles and relationship dynamics, revealing a complex personal history that informs her professional views.
Dr. Bryant refers to one of the hosts' comments as coming from 'white privilege,' then clarifies that it's a 'superpower of manipulation' where one can deliver a message and then pull back without full accountability.
This moment of direct confrontation and subsequent explanation highlights her unfiltered communication style and her critical perspective on how privilege can manifest in discourse, even in seemingly innocuous ways.
Dr. Bryant recounts a 'divine intervention' where a man she was dating, knowing her desire for marriage and aversion to casual sex, stopped their intimate moment to suggest they pray, as he was ready for marriage and didn't want casual intimacy.
This deeply personal anecdote vividly illustrates her core principle of self-management and the power of external intervention (divine or otherwise) in moments of personal weakness, reinforcing her commitment to her stated values.
Quotes
"A license is really only needed so you can bill insurance."
"Most people don't want to have a diagnosis on their record. So what do they rather do? Pay out of pocket."
"When you start to take out what I think is more of the the surface things like I'm woman, you're male, I'm black, you're white... when we get to the nitty-gritty of who we are eternally, we are a lot more alike than we like to believe."
"Knowledge is not power. The implementation of what you learn is where the power comes from."
Q&A
Recent Questions
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