Living in Full Bloom. Growth Boundaries and Choosing Who You Become #ABalancedLife S4 E5

True friendship thrives on both longevity and maturity. While time builds a foundation, intentional effort to value the relationship, communicate, and allow for individual growth prevents stagnation. Friends don't need daily interaction, but they require mutual respect for each other's evolving lives.

Charlotte Avery states that intentionality is key, noting that not seeing each other daily doesn't negate the value of their connection. Dr. Tierney emphasizes maturity, explaining that without it, longevity can lead to toxic relationships where parties aren't growing together.

Before forming healthy relationships, individuals must address their own traumas, triggers, and unhealthy relationship patterns. Failure to do so leads to trauma bonds, codependency, or anxious attachment, rather than genuine, healthy connections. This self-work is critical regardless of age.

Dr. Tierney asserts that if 'I haven't done my work, if I haven't worked on my trauma, my triggers, my relationship patterns,' I will show up in ways 'guided and governed by whatever traumas and triggers I haven't dealt with.' This can lead to 'trauma bond[s]' or 'codependent interaction[s]'.

Healthy relationships require giving friends, spouses, and even children the 'permission to grow and evolve.' This means accepting that someone's evolutionary process might not always include you directly, and that stepping back can be an act of maturity and love, preventing codependency.

Charlotte Avery explains, 'we need to be able to give our people... the permission to grow and evolve because if you're not a person that's growing and evolving, then you're going to be stagnant yourself.' She adds that sometimes evolution 'may be in a season where they don't actually include you'.

Personal growth is not always comfortable or feel-good; it often involves painful processes like outgrowing people, places, things, and habits. This discomfort is a vital part of the process, enabling individuals to become the person they aspire to be. It can 'hurt and also be helpful at the same time.'

Dr. Tierney states, 'growth is can be painful, sugar. It's not always a feel-good process. It means that you might have to outgrow some people, some places, some things, and some habits.' She concludes, 'It can hurt and also be helpful at the same time.'

True flourishing is an internal state of overflowing joy, peace, and contentment, independent of external achievements like wealth, job titles, or marital status. Focusing solely on external markers can lead to burnout and misery, even with apparent success. It is 'soul prosperity,' not 'external things prosperity.'

Dr. Tierney clarifies, 'when we say flourishing, sugar, we're not talking about external stuff.' She notes, 'There are people that have all of that stuff and are miserable.' She emphasizes 'internal flourishing where your joy is overflowing, where your peace is overflowing... that internal state of contentment is overflowing. Regardless of what's happening out here, that's how you thrive.'

Being your authentic self doesn't mean revealing every facet of your personality to everyone. Wisdom dictates how much of yourself you share, depending on the other person's capacity and emotional intelligence. This allows you to maintain boundaries and protect your growth without being ingenuine.

Charlotte Avery acknowledges, 'not everybody in my friend group space can handle that.' Dr. Tierney adds, 'it dictates how much of me you're going to get... that access that you have to me, it kind of depends on you.' She concludes, 'everybody don't need to know everything. So, you're right, Charlotte, that that is a mark of wisdom, but it's also that person's capacity.'