6 Words to Tell Yourself Every Morning
Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖Before opening your closet, pause and ask: "How do I want to feel?" (00:15)
- ❖Select 2-3 feeling words (e.g., bold, serene, confident) to guide your clothing choices.
- ❖View clothes as tools to embody your best self and tell your story, not as luxury or frivolous items (03:40).
- ❖Your closet often reflects past selves; regularly try on clothes and discard items that no longer resonate or fit (07:57).
- ❖Tailoring and structured pieces can enhance how you feel, providing support and confidence (37:55).
- ❖Intentionality extends to undergarments; choose pieces that make you feel held and supported (24:07).
- ❖Experiment with existing wardrobe items by styling them differently to create new feelings and looks (34:40).
- ❖Dressing for how you want to feel (internal) is more empowering than dressing for how you want to be seen (external) (28:07).
Insights
1The Six-Word Question That Transforms Dressing
The core of intentional dressing is to pause before opening your closet and ask, "How do I want to feel?" This simple question shifts the focus from 'what should I wear?' or 'what fits?' to an internal, self-honoring inquiry, fundamentally changing how you relate to your clothes and yourself.
Mel Robbins and Aaron Walsh emphasize this question at the beginning and end of the episode, highlighting its power to transform a routine into a ritual of self-care and empowerment. The team members' experiences demonstrate its immediate impact on their choices and feelings. (, , )
2Clothing as a Tool for Embodiment, Not Frivolity
Fashion is often perceived as a luxury or superficial. However, Walsh reframes clothing as a powerful, non-frivolous tool to 'arm yourself to tell the story that you want to tell to the world of who you are every day.' It's about using texture, color, silhouette, and proportion to evoke specific feelings and embody your best self.
Walsh states, 'Fashion is not something that's frivolous. So, why would you not get intentional about it because it's a means to arm yourself to tell the story that you want to tell to the world of who you are every day.' ()
3The Emotional Minefield of the Closet
Many women experience their closet as a 'minefield' filled with clothes that represent past versions of themselves, no longer fit, or evoke negative feelings. This can lead to discouragement, self-judgment, and a feeling of 'not enough.' Intentional dressing aims to clear this minefield by focusing on the present self and desired future self.
Mel Robbins describes her closet as 'wreckage' (), and Walsh explains it's a 'vulnerable place' because 'it's not who they are who they want to be. It's all these people that they used to be.' ()
4From 'Practical' to 'Powerful': Shifting Self-Perception
The words chosen to describe desired feelings can reveal deeper aspirations. Initially, one might choose 'safe' or 'practical' words, but through self-reflection, these can evolve into more empowering terms like 'powerful,' 'beautiful,' or 'magical,' indicating a deeper desire for self-expression and confidence.
Jessie, a new mom, initially chose 'practical, calm, and confident.' Through discussion, she realized she truly wanted to feel 'powerful, beautiful, and confident.' (, ). Amy, a senior producer, evolved her words from 'creative, empowered, and fun' to 'creative, empowered, and magical' ().
Bottom Line
Dressing for how you *want to feel* internally is more transformative than dressing for how you *want to be seen* externally.
When you dress to impress others, you often feel inauthentic and uncomfortable. Prioritizing your internal feeling fosters genuine confidence and allows you to project your true self, leading to better connections and self-alignment.
Cultivate a daily practice of self-inquiry before dressing, focusing solely on your desired internal state, and observe how this shifts your interactions and overall presence.
The state of your underwear, the first thing you put on, sets an energetic tone for your entire day and reflects your self-worth.
Neglecting undergarments (e.g., wearing stained, stretched-out items) can subtly undermine feelings of self-respect and intention. Investing in comfortable, supportive, and intentional underwear is a small but powerful act of self-honor.
Begin a 'closet laboratory' by decluttering your underwear drawer and replacing items with pieces that make you feel 'held and supported,' regardless of cost or external visibility, as a foundational step in intentional self-care.
Key Concepts
The Closet as a Portal to Possibility
Instead of a 'minefield' of past selves or ill-fitting clothes, the closet can be reframed as a gateway to embodying your desired future self and unlocking new potential each day (15:06).
Clothing as a Tool for Embodiment
Clothes are not merely fabric but active tools to help you 'wear the change you want to see in the world' and physically manifest the feelings and identity you aspire to (03:29).
Inside Connects to Outside
The fundamental principle that your internal state (how you feel) is deeply connected to your external presentation (what you wear), and aligning these two creates joy and possibility (07:15, 26:22).
Lessons
- Implement the 'pause and ask' ritual: Every morning, before opening your closet, pause and ask yourself, "How do I want to feel today?" (00:15)
- Identify your 'feeling trio': Choose 2-3 specific words that describe how you want to feel (e.g., bold, serene, magical) and select clothes that embody those feelings (16:18).
- Conduct a 'closet laboratory' audit: Try on every piece of clothing you own, asking how it makes you feel. Discard items that no longer fit, resonate, or make you feel good (32:19).
- Invest in foundational pieces: Identify 3 go-to outfits or pieces (e.g., well-fitting jeans, a crisp shirt, a structured blazer) that consistently make you feel great, and ensure they are tailored to your body (18:35).
- Elevate your undergarments: Replace old, ill-fitting underwear with pieces that make you feel supported and honored, understanding that this internal choice impacts your overall feeling (24:07).
The Art of Intentional Dressing
**Pause and Reflect (The Six Words):** Before opening your closet, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: 'How do I want to feel today?' (12:33)
**Define Your Feeling Trio:** Choose 2-3 specific words that encapsulate your desired emotional state for the day (e.g., 'powerful,' 'calm,' 'creative,' 'magical'). (16:18)
**Select Your Tools:** Look through your wardrobe and choose clothes, accessories, and even undergarments that align with and help you embody those chosen feelings. Consider texture, color, silhouette, and how each piece physically makes you feel. (17:08)
**Experiment and Document:** Regularly try on different combinations of your existing clothes. Take photos of outfits that make you feel great and categorize them by feeling words for future reference. (34:22)
**Declutter and Refine:** Ruthlessly remove items that no longer fit, make you feel bad, or don't align with who you want to be. Consider donating or sharing these items. (32:19)
**Tailor and Structure:** Utilize tailoring (even a dry cleaner) to ensure clothes fit your current body proportions, as structure can provide a sense of being 'held up' and confident, especially during body transitions. (37:55)
Notable Moments
Jessie's Postpartum Revelation
Jessie, a new mom, initially chose 'practical' and 'calm' to describe her desired feelings, reflecting her overwhelmed state. Through discussion, she realized her true desire was to feel 'powerful, beautiful, and confident,' highlighting how the method can uncover deeper, often suppressed, self-aspirations in challenging life stages. (51:13)
Amy's Journey from Reluctance to Magic
Amy, a senior producer, initially resisted the episode's topic, finding it 'dumb' and immediately focusing on negative body feelings. Her transformation to embracing 'creative, empowered, and magical' for her next chapter demonstrates the method's ability to shift deeply ingrained negative self-talk and open up new possibilities for self-expression. (01:04:47, 01:13:27)
Cindy's Boldness Through Health Challenges
Cindy, a breast cancer survivor and grandmother, already had an intentional approach to color (pink) and accessories (lipstick) during chemo. The method helped her extend this intentionality to her entire wardrobe, realizing she could wear her 'bold, empowered, and confident' pink vest year-round and her meaningful pearls daily, regardless of the occasion. (01:16:01, 01:19:56)
The Underwear Discussion
The candid conversation about underwear (stained, stretched-out, big-ass) underscores the intimacy and foundational nature of intentional dressing. It highlights that self-worth and intentionality start with the very first layer, even if unseen, and that neglecting this can subtly impact overall confidence. (24:07, 01:23:27)
Quotes
"You learn to wear the change you want to see in the world."
"Fashion is not something that's frivolous. So, why would you not get intentional about it because it's a means to arm yourself to tell the story that you want to tell to the world of who you are every day."
"Your insides connect to your outside is so fundamental and so foundational and that is like so wildly transformative and empowering."
"When you dress from a place of wondering if it's good enough for the world, you've already decided that you're not good enough for the world. By you asking yourself, how do I want to feel? You're deciding that what you think and what you feel matters."
"You should dress to embody the person you want to be first for yourself because by honoring who you want to be for yourself, then you offer that to the world."
"The joy comes when you are in alignment, when your insides align with your outsides. That's like the key to happiness and possibility."
"It's not about the clothes. It's about your possibility. Say yes to your potential. Say yes to being magical. Say yes to being the person that you've always dreamed of becoming."
Q&A
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