Dave Portnoy Has to Rewrite His Book From Scratch | The Yak 2-3-26

Dave Portnoy revealed he is completely rewriting his book himself, working 10 hours a day, because the ghostwriter's (Francis) version was 'too academic' and contained made-up details, like a meeting with 'watermelon lychee martinis' that never happened. He tried to return the advance but had too many commitments.

Francis wrote the whole book. I hated it. Oh, no. I I couldn't get through a page. So you're rewriting the entire thing... He's writing it as Francis, not me... I write 10 hours a day.

The Barstool crew is organizing a 4-on-4 flag football tournament with six players per team, captained by Brandon, Big Cat, Dave, and PFT. The winning team receives $35,000 in DraftKings credit to bet on the Super Bowl. Key rules include one defensive rusher starting seven yards back, allowed blocking, and quarterbacks running once per set of downs (but not inside the five-yard line).

We're drafting our teams for our flag football competition tonight... $35,000 to the winning team. Uh you guys get to divide that up however you want.

Dave Portnoy is set to compete in a 40-yard 'poop race' against a James Madison football player. Dave, who admits he hasn't sprinted in years, is requesting a 5-7 yard head start, citing recent knee pain from jogging and a pulled hamstring in his last sprint.

How are you feeling about the poop race? Have you actually I think I should get a 5 to seven yard head start... This is a 40 yard dash... last last time I ran I pulled my hamstring on the field...

Stephen Chay recounted befriending a homeless musician named Jacob ('Johnny Teardrops') who claimed San Francisco police were 'wrangling up homeless people and throwing them in jail for Super Bowl week' to reduce visibility of the city's homeless problem. Jacob had only been in jail for three days.

He said that the police are just like wrangling up homeless people and throwing them in jail for Super Bowl week.

Titus successfully 'pooped' on Alcatraz, a challenge he undertook, and was met by a fan named Yanni who provided wet wipes and croissants, warning against government toilet paper. He also encountered NFL players Bijan Robinson and Will Anderson outside the restroom.

I went there and I pooped... Yanni I think was his name... He was waiting for him when I got off the boat and he gave me wet wipes and croissants... Yeah, Bejian was right there and I just did smell your [poop].