Massage in Jeans! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Quick Read

Comedians Kevin Ryan and H. Foley share chaotic personal stories, from sealing a fireplace with trash bags to financial mismanagement, and debate the classiness of everyday 'dirtbag' behaviors.
A fireplace sealed with trash bags became a multi-month home renovation 'solution' due to lingering smoke smell.
The hosts admit to past severe financial mismanagement, including using current year's income to pay previous year's taxes, leading to empty savings.
The 'classiness' of everyday actions, like frying food in a sauce pot or getting a massage in jeans, is debated through listener submissions.

Summary

Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dive into a 'family episode' discussing their personal 'garbage' tendencies. Topics range from Ryan's ongoing home repair sagas, including a fireplace sealed with trash bags and a 'TD Fit Loan' for renovations, to their past struggles with tax payments and financial planning. They also explore listener submissions, debating the 'classiness' of actions like frying food in a sauce pot, putting butter on bobka, and the absurdity of getting a massage while wearing blue jeans. The episode highlights their comedic takes on everyday life, financial pitfalls, and the unique business models of pretzels and pharmaceutical investments.
This episode offers a raw, humorous look into the hosts' lives, providing relatable (and often cautionary) tales of homeownership, financial missteps, and the quirks of daily existence. It showcases their unique comedic style and the 'dirtbag' ethos of their podcast, resonating with listeners who appreciate candid, self-deprecating humor and a break from conventional advice.

Takeaways

  • Kevin Ryan's fireplace was sealed with Husky contractor bags for seven months due to construction-related smoke smell.
  • The hosts previously mismanaged podcast finances, using current earnings to pay prior year's taxes, often emptying savings accounts.
  • A listener recounted receiving a massage while still wearing blue jeans due to a miscommunication, highlighting an extreme 'dirtbag' scenario.

Insights

1DIY Fireplace 'Fix' Leads to Seven-Month Trash Bag Seal

Kevin Ryan's home fireplace, deemed 'not street legal' and prone to smelling like a campfire after cleaning, was temporarily sealed with Husky contractor trash bags. This 'solution' persisted for seven to eight months, becoming a normalized fixture in his living room, much to his wife's chagrin.

Ryan describes his fireplace being sealed with black trash bags for 7-8 months after cleaning unearthed '70 years of smell' and 'heavy campfire' odor. He plans to wall it off permanently. (, , )

2Podcast's Early Financial Mismanagement: Paying Old Taxes with New Money

The hosts admit to significant financial struggles early in their podcast's success, including not setting aside money for taxes. They often used the current year's income to pay the previous year's tax debt, leading to completely emptying their savings accounts and even cashing in change to get by.

Foley details how they weren't setting aside money for taxes, using 2024 earnings to pay 2023's debt, which 'emptied out all of my' savings. Ryan mentions cashing in $83 in change to 'float till the first.' (, , )

3The 'Massage in Blue Jeans' Experience

A listener shared a story of receiving their first professional massage while still wearing blue jeans. Due to a language barrier, the masseuse only instructed them to remove their shirt, leading to an awkward and restrictive experience when the masseuse attempted leg stretches.

Corbin's submission describes getting a massage in Chicago where, due to a language barrier, he only removed his shirt and was massaged while still in his 'not so movable jeans.' ()

4Wetzels Pretzels Dominates Soft Pretzel Market Outside Philadelphia

The hosts, initially skeptical of Wetzels Pretzels as a 'Philly soft pretzel ripoff,' learn that the chain has over 370 locations and commands a significant 35% market share, generating $266 million in sales as of 2023, far exceeding their perception of its regional impact.

Luke reveals Wetzels Pretzels has over 370 locations, 35% market share, and $266 million in sales as of 2023, surprising the hosts who thought it was a regional knock-off. (, , )

Opportunities

Patreon as a Content Monetization Engine

The podcast successfully leverages Patreon, attracting over 15,000 subscribers by offering exclusive content like extra episodes and an archive of past content. This model provides consistent revenue and deepens fan engagement.

Source: Are You Garbage? Podcast hosts

Community-Based Lottery/Charity Fund

A hypothetical idea for a localized lottery or 50/50 raffle, potentially run through a charity, to provide financial support to community members (e.g., covering rent). The hosts humorously discuss navigating legal complexities and 'administrative fees.'

Source: H. Foley and Kevin Ryan

Shark Tank-style Investment in Listener Businesses

The hosts propose investing in a 'homie or bozo company' that makes 'something cool,' inviting listeners to submit their established products or business ideas for potential partnership or investment.

Source: Are You Garbage? Podcast hosts

Celebrity-Backed Consumer Goods (e.g., Shaqalicious Candy)

Shaquille O'Neal's 'Shaqalicious' line of gummies and candies is cited as a successful example of a celebrity leveraging their brand for consumer product sales, with products widely available and well-received.

Source: H. Foley, discussing Shaq's business ventures

Lessons

  • Prioritize professional financial management: Hire an accountant or business manager to handle taxes and prevent financial crises, especially as income increases.
  • Address home maintenance issues promptly: Avoid makeshift 'fixes' like sealing a fireplace with trash bags, as temporary solutions can become long-term problems and create an unpleasant living environment.
  • Communicate clearly in service interactions: Ensure understanding, especially when language barriers exist, to avoid awkward or uncomfortable situations like receiving a massage fully clothed.

Notable Moments

Kevin Ryan's fireplace is revealed to be sealed with black trash bags for months due to persistent smoke smell after a professional cleaning.

This anecdote perfectly encapsulates the 'garbage' ethos of the podcast, highlighting a relatable (and humorous) struggle with homeownership and DIY solutions gone awry.

The hosts recount their early podcast financial struggles, including using current year's income to pay previous year's taxes, leading to empty savings and cashing in loose change.

This candid admission provides a raw, vulnerable, and humorous look at the financial realities of building a successful podcast, contrasting their current success with past 'dirtbag' money management.

A listener shares a story of receiving a full body massage while still wearing blue jeans due to a language barrier with the masseuse.

This highly specific and absurd scenario serves as a peak 'Are You Garbage?' moment, showcasing the unexpected and often uncomfortable situations that can arise from simple miscommunications.

Quotes

"

"We were using 2024, the money we were making in 2024 to pay 2023's debt, which is a slippery slope."

H. Foley
"

"For the last seven months, seven, eight months, this has been what my fireplace looks like."

Kevin Ryan
"

"I was in Chicago with my wife for New Year's and she booked us a nice massage... The lady was English wasn't her first language and had to have a translator... She said this robe and I asked how far she would like me to take and she said take your shirt off... she was trying to stretch out my legs and my not so movable jeans. That's f***ing crazy."

Corbin (listener submission read by H. Foley)
"

"I think if you're an adult going I can hold my breath for 37 seconds and/or bragging about it is probably not the classiest thing."

H. Foley

Q&A

Recent Questions

Related Episodes

STILL SIPPIN W/ POUR MINDS, KARLOUS MILLER & MONEYBAG MAFIA | 85 SOUTH SHOW
85 SouthApr 3, 2026

STILL SIPPIN W/ POUR MINDS, KARLOUS MILLER & MONEYBAG MAFIA | 85 SOUTH SHOW

"The 85 South Show hosts and guests Poor Minds and Moneybag Mafia engage in a hilariously unfiltered discussion covering relationship dynamics, unexpected business ventures, and the pervasive influence of TikTok, all while sharing their unique perspectives on life's absurdities."

Podcasting industryEntrepreneurshipAnimal facts
Tracy Morgan Claims He Is the King of New York and Started the Riverboat Brawl, Talks Reggie Dinkins
A Closer Look - Late Night with Seth MeyersApr 1, 2026

Tracy Morgan Claims He Is the King of New York and Started the Riverboat Brawl, Talks Reggie Dinkins

"Tracy Morgan delivers a masterclass in comedic chaos, claiming to be Jacques Cousteau's grandson, the 'King of New York,' and the instigator of the infamous Alabama riverboat brawl."

ComedyCelebrity InterviewTracy Morgan+2
DAPHNIQUE SPRINGS | ENGLISH MAJORS | SEASON 3 | EP 10
85 SouthMar 23, 2026

DAPHNIQUE SPRINGS | ENGLISH MAJORS | SEASON 3 | EP 10

"Comedian Daphnique Springs joins the hosts for a freewheeling discussion on everything from her childhood fish-selling hustle and the 'Florida Man' phenomenon to deep-sea conspiracies, the future of AI, and parenting advice for children with ADHD."

ComedyEntrepreneurshipConspiracy Theories+2
Mile High Club w/ Mark Normand! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Are You Garbage? Comedy PodcastMar 22, 2026

Mile High Club w/ Mark Normand! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

"Comedian Mark Normand joins the 'Are You Garbage?' hosts to dissect what truly defines 'classy' versus 'trashy' behavior, from self-checkout theft to the perils of owning a vintage car and the unexpected realities of cruise ship life."

ComedyPersonal AnecdotesConsumer Behavior+2