My Process For Achieving Goals: How to Change Your Life in 5 Simple Steps
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Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖Decide what you want and write it down.
- ❖Fire your family (don't rely on them for support).
- ❖Know your 'why' (will) and 'how' (way).
- ❖Implement the 'Hot 15' (15 minutes of focused work).
- ❖Never quit; consistency trumps intensity.
Insights
1Rule 1: Decide What You Want and Write It Down
Most people fail to achieve goals because they never get clear about what they truly want, keeping goals as vague thoughts. Writing down your goal and engaging multiple senses (reading silently, reading aloud, visualizing) builds stronger neural pathways, making the goal feel more real and attainable. This process overrides the brain's 'default mode network' which often generates negative self-talk.
Oprah Winfrey's observation on clarity; Dr. Jim Dodie's (Stanford neurosurgeon/neuroscientist) research on Hebian learning ('what fires together wires together') and sensory activation; James Clear's 'Clarity is Freedom'.
2Rule 2: Fire Your Family (and Build Your Own Team)
Expecting family to be your primary support system for personal goals is a mistake, as they may not understand or share your ambitions. Goals are personal responsibilities. Instead, seek out a 'team' of people who have achieved similar goals or are on a similar path, whether through online groups, professional societies, or by following experts.
Mel's daughter Sawyer's solo travel; Chris's writing group for his book; Mel's own podcast launch by seeking advice from other podcasters and becoming a student of the craft.
3Rule 3: Understand Your 'Will' (Why) and Your 'Way' (How)
Based on Dr. Elliot Bertman's research, successful goal achievement requires both a deep, personal 'will' (intrinsic motivation or 'why') and a clear 'way' (the actionable steps or 'how'). The 'why' fuels willpower and helps overcome resistance. The 'way' involves breaking down the goal into small, manageable actions ('bricks') and making the process enjoyable through 'instant gratification' to ensure consistency.
Dr. Elliot Bertman (University of Oregon) research on 'will' and 'way'; Chris's meditation circle for community; Mel's protein company born from a personal health problem; Professor Katie Milkman's (Wharton School of Business) research on 'instant gratification' and making goals fun; James Clear's identity-based habits.
4Rule 4: Implement the 'Hot 15'
Dedicate just 15 minutes a day (or even a week) to work on your goal. This small, consistent effort is powerful for building momentum and routine, especially when starting. Anchoring this intention in the morning significantly increases the likelihood of follow-through, as it prioritizes your goal before daily distractions take over.
Dr. Kristoff Randler's research (featured in Harvard Business Review) on anchoring intention in the morning for personal goals; Mel's personal experience writing books and building habits with 15-minute increments.
5Rule 5: Don't Quit – Focus on Consistency, Not Intensity
The only way to truly fail is to stop trying. Life will inevitably bring interruptions, but every action taken ('brick laid') remains. Success comes from consistency and the willingness to restart after setbacks, rather than perfect, intense, uninterrupted effort. Elite performers prioritize consistent effort over peak intensity every single time.
Angela Duckworth's (University of Pennsylvania, author of 'Grit') research on willpower and discipline, emphasizing consistency over intensity; example of Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps's consistent training at 7-8/10 intensity.
Bottom Line
Personal goals, even when seemingly small or self-serving, are a powerful mechanism for reclaiming personal agency and meaning in a life often dictated by external demands and responsibilities.
This reframes goal-setting from an optional self-improvement activity to a fundamental strategy for mental and emotional well-being, especially for those feeling overwhelmed or 'run over' by life.
Coaches and self-help practitioners can emphasize the 'reclamation of self' aspect of goal setting, rather than just 'achievement,' to resonate more deeply with individuals experiencing burnout or lack of purpose.
The 'Fire Your Family' rule highlights that seeking validation or support for personal goals from immediate family can be counterproductive if they don't share or understand the ambition.
This challenges the conventional wisdom of relying on close relationships for all forms of support, suggesting that for specific personal growth, external, like-minded communities are often more effective and less emotionally taxing.
Create or promote 'support communities' or 'accountability groups' specifically designed for niche personal or professional goals, recognizing that general family support isn't always the right fit for every ambition.
Opportunities
Community-Based Meditation Circles
Establish free, weekly meditation circles in local community spaces (libraries, community centers, off-hour restaurants) to foster community and provide a consistent practice. This solves the problem of lacking community for meditators and provides a low-barrier entry point for new practitioners.
High-Quality, Problem-Solving Nutritional Supplements
Develop and market nutritional products (e.g., protein supplements) that specifically address common dietary challenges or health goals, rather than just general wellness. Focus on working with world-renowned researchers and medical experts to ensure efficacy and quality.
AI-Powered Goal Breakdown and Gamification Tool
A digital platform that uses AI (like Microsoft Copilot) to help users break down large goals into 'bricks' (small, actionable steps), infuse 'fun' elements into the process, and track 'Hot 15' minute sessions. It could suggest creative ways to make tasks enjoyable and provide daily micro-actions.
Key Concepts
The Will and The Way
From Dr. Elliot Bertman's research, achieving any goal requires two components: 'will' (the deep, personal 'why' or intrinsic motivation) and 'way' (the practical, actionable steps or 'how' to achieve it). Both are essential for sustained progress.
Clarity is Freedom
Coined by James Clear, this model suggests that by clearly defining what is important to you, you gain the freedom to disregard everything else that competes for your time and attention, enabling focused action on your true priorities.
Identity-Based Habits
Instead of focusing on the outcome, frame your goals around the person you want to become. For example, 'I am the kind of person who prioritizes my health' rather than 'I want to lose 10 pounds.' This shifts focus from a temporary achievement to a sustainable way of being.
Lessons
- Identify one meaningful personal goal, write it down, read it aloud, and visualize yourself achieving it to activate neural pathways.
- Seek out a 'team' of experts or peers (online or local) who are pursuing similar goals for support and guidance, rather than relying solely on family.
- Break your goal into 'bricks' (small, actionable steps) and dedicate a 'Hot 15' (15 minutes) daily, ideally in the morning, to consistently work on one brick.
5-Step Goal Achievement Process
**Rule 1: Get Clear & Commit:** Decide on one important, personal goal and write it down. Read it silently, then aloud, and visualize yourself completing it to embed it in your subconscious.
**Rule 2: Build Your Support Network:** 'Fire your family' from being your primary support for this specific goal. Instead, find a 'team' of like-minded individuals, mentors, or online communities who understand and are pursuing similar objectives.
**Rule 3: Define Your 'Why' and 'How':** Articulate the deep, personal 'why' (intrinsic motivation) behind your goal. Then, map out the 'way' by breaking it into small, actionable 'bricks' and actively seek ways to make the process enjoyable and instantly gratifying.
**Rule 4: Implement the 'Hot 15':** Dedicate a consistent 15 minutes each day (or week) to work on your goal. Prioritize this time, ideally in the morning, to anchor your intention and make progress without feeling overwhelmed.
**Rule 5: Embrace Consistency Over Perfection:** Understand that setbacks are inevitable. Don't quit. Every 'brick' laid counts, and you can always return to your path. Focus on consistent effort, even if it's imperfect, knowing that perseverance leads to long-term success.
Notable Moments
Mel's daughter Sawyer pursuing her dream of solo backpacking through Asia despite Mel's initial fears and lack of support.
Illustrates the 'Fire Your Family' rule by showing how personal goals, even those that cause concern for loved ones, must be pursued for individual fulfillment, independent of familial validation.
Mel's husband Chris creating a weekly, free meditation circle in their community to address his personal lack of community.
A concrete example of how identifying a personal 'problem' (lack of community) can be transformed into a meaningful goal that benefits both the individual and others, demonstrating intrinsic motivation and community building.
Mel's personal health transformation and the creation of Pure Genius Protein, stemming from a problem of not being able to meet her daily protein goals through diet alone.
Shows how a deeply personal health challenge can evolve into a significant business venture, highlighting the power of solving one's own problems and the 'will' component of goal setting.
Quotes
"Clarity is freedom. Know what is important to you and it will grant you the freedom to ignore everything else."
"People with willpower and grit and discipline, that doesn't look like intensity. It looks like consistency, that slow, methodical laying a brick, then laying another brick."
Q&A
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