7 Things to Tell Yourself Every Night for More Happiness and Positivity
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Quick Read
Summary
Takeaways
- ❖It's okay for me to feel overwhelmed based on everything that's going on.
- ❖I can manage this.
- ❖I don't need to solve this right now.
- ❖I did my best today.
- ❖Now is my time to rest.
- ❖Tomorrow's going to be a good day.
- ❖I give myself permission to drift off to sleep.
Insights
1Mindset Directly Impacts Physiological Response
Dr. Alia Crum, a Stanford neuroscientist, demonstrates that changing your mental 'settings' can physiologically and emotionally alter how your body responds to situations. This research underpins the idea that conscious affirmations can improve well-being.
Dr. Crum's research, including the famous milkshake study, proves that mindsets change how the body responds to everything. She notes that adopting the mindset that cancer is 'manageable' and bodies are 'capable' significantly reduces physical symptoms like nausea and fatigue during chemotherapy.
2Distress Can Be a Sign of Mental Wellness
Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, asserts that mental wellness means your emotions are in concert with what's happening in your world. Feeling overwhelmed when life is overwhelming, or heartbroken during a breakup, is a mentally healthy response, not a sign of something being wrong.
Dr. Damour states, 'If you're overwhelmed when life is overwhelming, all those big feelings keeping you up at night might just be a sign that you're mentally well.' She provides examples like anxiety before a big test or grief after a loss as appropriate, healthy emotional responses.
3Sleep Improvements Outweigh Minor Diet/Exercise Changes
Dr. Chatterjee, a physician and host of a leading health podcast, emphasizes that even small improvements in sleep (e.g., 20-30 minutes more) lead to a significant physiological difference in the body the next day, often more impactful than marginal diet or exercise adjustments.
Dr. Chatterjee explains, 'If you can bring up your sleep from 5 hours to even 5 and a half hours... there will be a physiological difference in your body now the following day.' He stresses that life 'feels different' with a good night's sleep.
4Writing Down Worries Improves Sleep Onset
Research from Baylor University indicates that listing unfinished tasks or worries before bed helps people fall asleep faster than those who don't. This practice allows the mind to 'check the box' on those concerns, preventing them from looping endlessly.
Mel Robbins references Baylor University research showing that people who made lists of all the things they didn't get to 'fell asleep faster' than those who didn't, even faster than taking medication, because it allows the mind to stop bringing up those issues.
5Effort is Relative to Capacity
Jim Kwik, author of 'Limitless,' offers a perspective on effort: if you only have 40% to give on a particular day, and you give that 40%, you have still given 100% of what you had available. This reframes self-judgment about perceived underperformance.
Jim Kwik states, 'On those days when you only have 40% to give, and you still give 40%? You just gave 100% of what you had to give.'
Key Concepts
Mindset Theory
Developed by Dr. Alia Crum, this model posits that your mindset—the lens through which you view situations—profoundly impacts your physiological and emotional responses. Changing these 'settings' in your mind can alter how your body reacts to stress, challenges, and even health diagnoses.
Emotional Regulation through Acknowledgment
Dr. Lisa Damour's work highlights that experiencing distress (e.g., overwhelm, heartbreak, anxiety) in response to challenging life events is a sign of mental wellness, not pathology. Acknowledging these emotions as appropriate responses helps regulate them, rather than suppressing or pathologizing them.
Cognitive Reframing & Prioritization
The practice of consciously telling yourself 'I don't need to solve this right now' or 'Now is my time to rest' is a form of cognitive reframing. It teaches the brain that not every thought is an emergency requiring immediate action, allowing for mental 'vacation' and prioritization of essential rest.
Lessons
- Practice the seven nightly affirmations consistently to reprogram your subconscious thoughts and improve sleep quality.
- Acknowledge and validate your feelings (e.g., 'It's okay to feel overwhelmed') rather than fighting them, as this can be a sign of mental wellness.
- Keep a pad and pen by your bed to write down any lingering worries or unfinished tasks, effectively offloading them from your mind before sleep.
The 7-Step Nightly Affirmation Routine for Better Sleep and Positivity
Acknowledge your feelings: 'It's okay for me to feel [insert feeling, e.g., overwhelmed, scared, exhausted] based on everything that's going on.'
Affirm your capability: 'I can manage this.'
Postpone problem-solving: 'I don't need to solve this right now.'
Validate your effort: 'I did my best today.'
Claim your rest: 'Now is my time to rest.'
Set positive expectations: 'Tomorrow's going to be a good day.'
Grant permission to sleep: 'I give myself permission to drift off to sleep.'
Notable Moments
Mel Robbins recounts a personal experience of anxiety over a medical scare, where applying Dr. Lisa Damour's insight that 'it's okay to be scared' helped her reframe her panic as a healthy response, allowing her to eventually rest.
This personal anecdote provides concrete evidence of how acknowledging appropriate emotional responses, rather than fighting them, can lead to better emotional regulation and sleep, even in highly stressful situations.
Mel describes her husband Chris's uncharacteristic moodiness and her subsequent 'hamster wheel' of worry about what she might have done, only to find out the next morning it had nothing to do with her.
This illustrates the common tendency to ruminate and catastrophize at night, and how the affirmation 'I don't need to solve this right now' can prevent unnecessary stress and protect sleep, as many perceived problems resolve or are less significant in the morning.
Quotes
"If you're overwhelmed when life is overwhelming, all those big feelings keeping you up at night might just be a sign that you're mentally well."
"The best mindset to be in when you have cancer is the mindset that this is manageable."
"If you can bring up your sleep from 5 hours to even 5 and a half hours... there will be a physiological difference in your body now the following day."
"On those days when you only have 40% to give, and you still give 40%? You just gave 100% of what you had to give."
"I've done things for my students, my partner, my kids all day, and now is my time to restore and relax."
Q&A
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